I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
