Don't make out with my wife yet
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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