woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
