I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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