I didn't shave. On purpose
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
