i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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