dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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