Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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