do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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