Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
