I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
where are my eyebrows?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
