just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
