I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
