if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
