I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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