I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
