i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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