I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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