Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
