im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
