i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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