he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Quick, to the slutcave!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
