Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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