From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
