You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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