but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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