Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
