ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
