oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
