Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
