Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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