I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just made my gag reflex go away.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
