I cut my penus on the lid.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
