Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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