you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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