why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
