I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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