this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
