I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
