Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
