yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
