take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
