im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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