I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
