After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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