My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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