Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
