my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
