You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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