Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
