he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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