So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
