I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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