i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
