the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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