3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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