so explain again why im purple
no
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
